Supermarket sweep

Howdy Folks,

Good to see so many of you here today, we surely do love some company of a Tuesday.

Frequent callers will no doubt remember my dislike of the most boring day of the week and my unsuccessful attempts to have it abolished, it serves no purpose what so ever other than to separate Mondays and Wednesdays.

In an effort to spice up this terrible day, I have hit upon what I like to call supermarket sweeps day.

I have been quietly tinkering with my mobility scooter and managed to shoehorn in an old 440 from a dilapidated Chevy into my three wheeled chariot.

This has resulted in quite a pickup in performance, for instance say my old 0 to 60 time depended on a long hill with a tailwind, now all it takes is a tank of gas and approximately 3.4167 seconds.

My new ultra mobile scooter has also been fitted with a trolley hitch at the back so I can now shop to my hearts content without any assistance provided I have not forgotten my trusty walking stick (it helps to retrieve those harder to reach items on the top shelves).

Today I hope to break the worlds mobility scooter land speed record at our nearest Walmart (you need those big long aisles with plenty of turning space at the end to really attain a good speed).

Wish me luck folks as the current record is held by our old friend and Fort Guff resident Goober T Smith who set an astonishingly quick time of one minute 32 seconds back in the winter of ’91 using a converted ride on lawnmower and a Peterbuilt truck engine.

He did forget to buy the hotdog buns and some vanilla sugar for his wife and many still argue that his record should not stand as the weekly shop was technically unfinished, but noone likes a quibbler so I intend to let my performance speak for itself.

Stay tuned folks, I hope to report back tomorrow on my world record attempt.

Try to enjoy your Tuesday folks, I know I will.

sincerely

G Guff

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