Thank you kindly for coming to visit me in hospital, we sure do appreciate that you came over to help me eat all those lovely chocolates and grapes. I could never eat them all by myself.
Well it turns out that I may have needed a few more practice runs before attempting the world land speed record in a mobility scooter around the supermarket.
Cornering is a lot more difficult than it looks, even if you do choose a big box store with wide aisles and what seemed like plenty of room to turn.
From what I can remember of yesterday, I zoomed past the greeter and narrowly missed an unscheduled visit to the restaurant.
I managed to steer close enough to the bakery to grab some assorted pastry’s and wove through the entire grocery section filling my trolley as i went.
I am told that it all went horribly wrong in what is now called the fashion section? I think that the fashion police need to investigate this area, there seemed to be quite a few crimes against humanity along the aisles although to be honest it was all a bit of a blur.
A lovely young lady with several kids in tow had been looking through the bargain bins and whilst searching for correct dungaree sizes for her children accidentally knocked over a shelf of princess pyjama’s.
I just about made it past without injuring a soul however it is unlikely that we will be seeing that lovely family in the store again soon.
A skid on the turn, coming out of fashion meant that I emerged from the jewelry counter looking like that fellow from the A team.
Which may have contributed to my crash into the pharmacy section where according to eyewitnesses I hit the exlax display at something approaching the speed of sound.
Again I cannot recall what happened exactly but I may have swallowed several hundred gallons of liquid exlax.
So after all of the hard work on my mobility scooter, here I lie in my hospital bed wondering just how Goober T Smith managed to get through and when I will finally be able to eat something that stays in my system for longer than five minutes?
The police have been in and due to the nature of the crash the scooter has been totalled, so when they asked what happened I claimed that the mobility scooter was acting funny and I had no idea as to what happened?
He he he….
The nurse who is sadly suffering from chronic diarrhea informed me that another younger man recently suffered a fatal crash in a fast sports car and that I should be giving thanks that I managed to survive and that I am also losing all that weight.
It turns out that the young man was a movie star and a very experienced driver who even raced on the track at the weekends, his name was Paul Walker may he rest in peace.
So all you young speeders, racers and record breakers think very carefully before you press the pedal to the metal, break that red light or think you can take that corner faster than anyone else.
You could end up like me or worse still like that poor young man Paul Walker.
RIP Paul Walker.